Mothering While Motherless

With Mother’s Day coming up, I wanted to focus on a group of mothers that I belong to. Those of us navigating motherhood without our mothers.

My mother was there for my immediate postpartum period. About a week after my daughter was born, I started having complications. I had a C-section and was in a lot of pain, unable to go up and down the stairs. I couldn’t keep solids down for a few days, something I would later understand was likely an ileus.

She showed up every day, morning and night, for two weeks straight.

She was my breastfeeding cheerleader. When my daughter, Kaia, lost weight after birth, which felt significant because she was already so small, I was worried, but she reassured me that she would be fine.

As I started to feel better and could manage more of the care on my own, I told her it was okay to go home. She still came by often, checking on us, making sure I had everything I needed. Looking back, it felt like she just wanted to spend as much time with Kaia as she could.

A couple of weeks later, I called her, and something wasn’t right. She sounded confused. She went into the hospital.

My siblings and I started talking about a plan for when she would come home.

But we never got to follow through on those plans.

She didn’t make it home.

An essential part of my support system was suddenly gone. I was now navigating breastfeeding and caring for a newborn without her.

There were so many emotions.

My sisters had my mother with all of their children. Jealousy.

Maybe there was something I could have done differently. Guilt.

What if I had never asked her to go home?

No one really talks about what it’s like to be a mother without your mother.

The unanswered questions no one else can answer.

The holidays, birthdays, and everyday moments that remind you of what’s missing.

Seeing other children with their grandmothers. Friends who still have their mothers.

It’s a quiet void that becomes part of your life.

Maybe you lost your mother before your baby was born.

Maybe, like me, you lost her shortly after.

Maybe your relationship is strained, and that support isn’t there.

Wherever you fall, I want you to know this.

You are not alone.

I want to create a space where we can talk about this openly.

Where grief is acknowledged and we still show up in motherhood.

Where we support each other through this journey.

Mothering…without our mothers.

If this is your experience too, I would love to hear your story.